Here is a collection of 23 funny chess aphorisms.

• Castling is a first step to the normal life.

• He was in time trouble; he had 1/10 of a second left.

• If we say that we all learn from our own mistakes, that guy has unlimited improvement capabilities.

• Everybody can look at a chess position, but not many can see.

• He had a chess mind of a sprinter.

• One queen is good, but two is better.

• You don’t look at teeth of a given Knight.

• He said: When I’m checking my opponent, I’m fearless!

• Chess Problem: find the worst move (??)

• He was a famous chess player for a long time, but no one knew about it.

• He didn’t play chess, he played with chess.

• In the local chess club there was a portrait of Alekhine, who looked just like Capablanca, and a portrait of Capablanca looked like no one else.

• He was lefty and played well with white on the Queen’s side and with black on the King’s side.

• He had a good memory for bad openings and bad memory for good ones.

• Chess Problem: white takes back 40 moves and mate in 1.

• He attacks the opponent’s castled King, isolated weak pawns, but most importantly the opponent’s psychological state.

• Perpetual check feels like nothing else in a dead lost position.

• Isolated pawns require a very expensive therapy, for keeping them alive.

• Counter attack is never untimely.

• Material equal to ¾ of a pawn is also equivalent to about 3 tempis, which at the same time are identical to two weaker moves (by you).

• Mate is often exists with disagreement of the side to move.

• Why play 1.e2-e4 right away, when we can later, after long struggle and fighting play e3-e4 after 1.e2-e3?

Source: http://www.64chess.com/Humor/Cases.html